And out of mind..
on that note,
I’ve found out what I am really good at. managing other peoples money. I’ve figured out how to live off of 100 a month not including normal bills. tested it out. works.
Ive learned that finding happiness is simple and obtainable.
I’ve also learned why your father doesn’t have any best friends. Self preservation.
I realized I like thinking about the future. I thought I hated doing that. But I don’t. I like it; it’s humbling.
Though I’ve consciously decided that i never want to have kids and have actually expressed my views on many occasions; I find myself thinking of what the little shits would look like, and how rewarding they could be. This is always, including right now, followed by a feeling of dread and panic. I will not have kids.
only one constant from now on.
"What the fuck!", I’m constantly screaming; "I hate everyone of your individual choices."
I’ve marred myself in to thinking I’ll be fine. you’ll be fine. we”ll all be fine. truth is.. no one is “fine”. and it makes me want to vomit.
something so vague, its accepted.
something not talked about, its rewarded.
something so misleading, its honored.
something grown inside of you that isn’t what you make it out to be: so deep and so impulsive it goes unnoticed even in your conscious thought; maybe thats me giving you an excuse. excuses.. thats all it can be. me pushing you away is acceptance of the real. me embracing falsities is what will keep what you claim to not ever want alive and strong. we’re all sinners here. but deceptive? evil? superordinate?
no.. we’ve known where all in this together from the start, which is something that separates us from you.
Tumble Tumble Tumble.
so hows life?
awesome. i wanna know er.
note to self:*
your opinion far outweighs everyone elses’. you know exactly what you want and how to get it. if some one disagrees with you it doesn’t matter; you’re right and will always be right. look at them all like they are fools.. brainless.. because you’re so worldly experienced.
look at your self as if you are a level headed middleman. not too extreme on any topic.. really?
too right to admit how wrong you are. too wrong to admit how fucked up you’re behavior is.
way to be you fucking dick.
secondly, fuck me too.
I the wake of past experience, or should i say “quake”.. yes i should. In anycase after this shit storm blows over in finding my self a plot of non-shit covered land and building a god damn indestructible castle on it.. like in medieval times .. but mine will be made out of stainless steel 1 foot thick; and there will be fountains in it.. spewing forth delicious and aromatic red bull.
there will probably be a red bull mote..
also in this castle there will be cameras everywhere.. not just so i can be creepy but so when retards do things that are retarded i can catch them in the act. ps. i discovered unhappiness is a journey when i killed my kids and framed the wife.
"…basically the polar opposite of what i was trying to get across. my statement being more along the lines of… never have faith in people, because people will always, inevitably, let you down. this is something i believe as a truth, not as a sad statement but more as a beautiful revelation…"